Changes

There is so much that I want to say, but there is no good place to start. Just like there is so much that I want to do, but I can't seem to find a path that will take me to all the places I want to go and the things I want/need to do.

I've been thinking about relationships with people a lot more then usual lately. Last week I saw my ex-boyfriend, and he didn't recognize me. At first I was a little insulted, but the more I think about it, the more I realize why. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I'm not the same person I was a month ago or 10 years ago. For better or for worse I am fundamentally different from what and who I have been. I like to think I've grown.

A year ago, I thought the torture of college was the only way to get a decent job/career. Now I'm finding my own path, and while I won't even begin to pretend that a job at Wally World is the end all be all, it gives me the chance to find new things and in the meantime I am on or above par compared with many friends and even the parents of many of my friends.

2 years ago, I thought that it was okay to put what my family wants before what I want. Now I know that there advice is just that: advice. What I do is my decision because only I can live my life.

3 years ago, I thought that if I didn't have somebody to stand beside me, I would fall. Now I have stood on my own often enough to know that when you stand alone a strength that you did not know you had comes to support you against the turbulence that you must face. Having somebody to stand with me is nice, but if nobody can/will stand with me then I will still be able to survive, and quite possibly thrive.

5 years ago, I truly believed that if you called someone on the phone and hung out with them then you were friends. Now I know that friends are the people who are willing to support you when you aren't even sure if you're worth supporting. (Thanks to Adam K, Richard D and Scott H for being there when I needed it the most.)

10 years ago, I thought that all I needed to do was go to school and be a "good girl" in order to become a NASA scientist, a detective (like Nancy Drew and Scooby Doo) or a doctor.

15 years ago, I thought that life was as simple as it seemed on the weekends I spent at my grandparents' house.

I have changed, for better or worse. It is times like this when the lyric "Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then" comes to mind, especially on some of the things that I learned weren't true too soon. Other things I seem to have discovered too late. This is who I am now though, for this brief moment in time. Only today though. Tomorrow is a new day where I will learn more (both good and bad) and grow even further.

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult. - E. B. White (1899 - 1985)