Flash back to spring: I'm packing up all my stuff in the dorm. I run across a second doctor's prescription for anti-depressants. It had never been filled and never would be. I through it in the trash with a slight flash of a grin at what the school shrink would think if he knew what I did with all his prescriptions.
Things were going downhill fast at school. I kept falling asleep in class as professors droned on about the same s*** that was taught in high school, and when I didn't fall asleep I just zoned out for the whole class time. It wasn't even that I didn't care so much as I couldn't seem to find a reason to care about the constant review.
I wanted to do something, create something and see things, meet people, all that jazz. I still do. That is why, the night after I went swimming in the Ford fountains at 3 am, I decided that I was leaving college and wasn't coming back unless somebody gave me a damn good reason why college counts for then a piece of paper saying that you went to class, did the reading and managed not to sleep through the final.
3 months later I don't know what to do. I have painted a few things, cooked a little, and even worked on my drawing skills, but nothing major has been accomplished. I have simply satisfied the the minimum requirements for not getting kicked out of the house. I am still looking for direction, but in the very least I know where I'm not going. I am not going to endure another 2 years of mind numbing torture for a piece of paper.
There is a better way, and I will find it.
That which you call your soul or spirit is your consciousness, and that which you call 'free will' is your mind's freedom to think or not, the only will you have, your only freedom, the choice that controls all the choices you make and determines your life and your character.-Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
3 comments:
I hope that you find out what you want to do, at least for now. I would have been surprised to see you go back to Berry considering I thought you weren't. I mean, I admit it'd be nice to see you around so I hope you come visit, but I personally hope you are happy. That is what matters. Maybe with a little more time you can figure something out? At least you've got Scott and friends. =)
i appreciate the sentiment and appreciate the quote almost more.
have you thought about transferring? i know that it seems like education in general, but maybe it's where you are.
Good luck out there. And don't let anyone make you feel wrong or guilty about your decision. If you're not happy in college, if you don't feel like it's getting you anywhere, there's no reason to be there. A lot of people would go anyway because it's the "right thing" to do to be successful, but that's not always true, right? I mean, there are lots of ridiculously rich and famous people who never went to college. If it makes you miserable, how much good could it be doing anyway?
Everyone should have your kind of individualism and courage.
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