In a way, I felt almost guilty knowing that I was there actually having fun while everybody else hurried to go to class, bought the overpriced books and came to the startling realization that their "fun class" had a 12 page syllabus. I've been there, got the t-shirt, won't be going back.
The unanimous questions among friends seem to be: Where have I been going this summer? And where am I going in the future?
Big questions, and what can I say? This summer I updated my blog about half as much as I did during the school year, but I still feel good about those posts that I did make. I got a job with zero prestige, but I'll be making more this year then I was previously figuring on making with a degree. (Money isn't the only consideration on the job though, presently the job is funding my artistic pursuits, and the funding is always low for such things.) Besides that I've basically cooked a little and tried to catch-up with friends whenever possible.
So basically, I've been doing what I was trying to get away to do: I got away from the stresses of school for a while and sat down and asked myself some important questions. What have I found? Basically what I already knew more or less on some level anyway. What I want to do with my life is make something beautiful that will change the world in a way that will help people to be better people. Now, I just have to narrow that down from Milky Way sized to, oh I dunno, the size of Jupiter.
I've been trying to figure out a direction, and while I still don't know where I'm going, I'm trying to do the next best thing and go with the decisions that feel right. I have made some pretty good intuitive decisions in the past, and in the face of the one large generalization that I have about what I want to do with my life, intuition seems best.
So, what are my plans? Short term, I'll continue to write, paint, cook, plan the wedding and get together with friends as often as possible. Long term, I'll... do something that I can be proud of. I just hope that I can meet my own high expectations of myself. I am my own harshest critic and my own biggest fan. As such, I refuse to do anything less then incredible with this short time that I have on this little blue, green planet.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi
3 comments:
Alicia!! Just do what you've gotta do. Sounds like you've got good short term plans. For now, that's O K to only have. =) I think you're doing alright if you do. That's what matters most! Miss you and glad I saw you the other day!
I say this a lot on here, but you are so brave. I wish I could do that. Honestly, all I want to do in life is Write, with the capital W and everything. And looking at the last three years, I've been so busy with college that I haven't written anything that wasn't for a class. Funny how the path we perceive to our goals can sometimes hinder them, isn't it?
for what it counts, i believe in you
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