Planning

So, it is decided:  I am going to do something else.  But what?  For how long?  Where?

I have a hundred questions for myself, so I resigned to do what I do every time I am faced with an overwhelming decision... I try to learn something.  

It's ironic how the main part of my problem solving method involves me distancing myself from the problem at hand.

4 hours in and I just realized that after all those "exercises" and all that reading, I can now design a black and white version of my first myspace page.  (Okay, so a few other elements might be lacking, but the basic format remains the same.)  It is kind of thrilling and depressing to learn what is hard and what is just ridiculously easy.

It makes you think about what goes into the pages that you look at online too.  Just click View/View Source on a web page and suddenly the long lines of code become visible. It makes me realize something important: I want to be able to type html on pages, but I'm glad that I don't to have to type in html every time I type something online.  

If it came to that, then this blog probably wouldn't exist.   I would have gotten annoyed at a misplaced tag somewhere or another and moved away from the system very early on.  The first post probably never would have gone up.  (Not that anyone actually read the first post, but that is another story entirely.  The point is that I wouldn't be typing this now.)

In the end, I find myself thinking back to Hamlet's famous question and rephrasing it for today:

To html, or not to html?  That is the question.

Thought of the Day

I'm doing things that are more artistic again, more close to the material that I love. I don't disparage those things that I did. They're just not as much reflective of who I am. 

-Mira Sorvino, actress (Romy and Michele's High School Reunion)

Last Semester

I'm going to cut down on my college course load.  More and more this "education" is beginning to seem like just another bureaucracy.  Its just really this long (dare I say pointless?) process for what?  A piece of paper that says you went to class and turned in something requiring a mediocre effort.  

*sigh*

This may be my last semester.  I stress too much over busy work, and the busy work is not worth the stress.  

For once I may actually be following a doctor's orders:  The doctor told me to get rid of the big things that were stressing me out.  Roughly a year later,  I'm putting together a plan to get out of college, the biggest stress-er I have ever met.  Give me belligerent idiots, give me fighting, give me the midnight shift (I'm up anyway), give me a job where I'm overworked and underpaid, just don't make me spend one more semester in these halls of "higher learning."  

I need to be able to move and learn and grow, and for me, college just isn't the place to do that.  

I need to escape.  

I need a change.

Out of it

It's round 3 and I'm down for the count.  Too beaten and bruised to care as the hand slaps the floor.  I gave it a good run, but I've lost.  And no one ever writes about those who tried and failed.  It is the winner who tells the tale.  

Then out of nowhere a hand reaches down to pull me to my feet.  

"It is time for you to move on to a different ring," a voice whispers.  

I just nod.  I saw this coming all along.

I don't know how to get there, but I know where I'm going, so I take a deep breath and take a shaky step in that direction.

Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt that said, "Do at least one thing that scares you every day?"  

Good advice. 

God has a funny sense of humor....

When I grow up I want to be a ballerina...

Today, that age old question came up yet again:  What do you want to be when you grow up?

When I was little,  I wanted to be one of several things and figured that I could just pick one when I was a little older.  I wanted to be a doctor, a teacher, a ballerina, an adventurer...

As I got older, things changed though.  I came to realize that while I can look at and talk about guts all day, 5 min into hearing someone else talk about the circulatory system I start to feel faint, so no doctoring for me.  I realized that while I like to help people learn things, I despise teaching structures, so no teaching for me.  I realized that while I love to dance, I have a very un-ballerina like butt and no sense of balance (as evidenced by my high school stage time), so ballet doesn't seem like much of an option.  And what does an adventurer do exactly?  Besides get shot at, captured, read maps is dead languages and find awesome stuff against all odds.  Apparently the adventurer hiring agency only places cute guys with at least two degrees in history, or something related to archeology, or a hot girl who was a princess/queen in a former life.  It would appear that I was a Romantic Poet (according to facebook), so no luck for me.

Oh well.

Now, I'm in school learning how to write about what is going on in the world because I don't know what else to do.  I like to write and I like to go out into the world and talk to people and do things, so this is what fits.  

I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up though.

Maybe I'll double check on that adventurer job... I dream about being shot at anyway....